I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
