I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
