He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
