Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
