Plan B is the new Plan A
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
