I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
