Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
