in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
