I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
