I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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