I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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