so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
