I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
