I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
