Can Purell be used as lube?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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