i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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