FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
