Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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