margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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