she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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