R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
