Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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