i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
