Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
