First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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