Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
