I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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