and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize