We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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