what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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