I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
