from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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