Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
