I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize