i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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