Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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