Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
