I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
