We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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