I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
