note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
