Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
