And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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