She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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