i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
