everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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