he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
