mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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