We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
