Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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