And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
