I heard we made out
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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