The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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