A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
