hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
