fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
