I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
