He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
