In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
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Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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