you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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