just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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