addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I FOUND THE LEGS
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