I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
