Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize