So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
