I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
