ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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