No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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