I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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