when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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